Am I justifying my irritability?

My readers know I often pose questions about themselves - their attitudes, beliefs, and practices. By contrast, I asked myself the question posed by the blog this morning. It resulted in some self reflection and a determination to do better!

As background, I spent last week speaking at several events in the province of Saskatchewan interspersed with some long, sunny drives. My topic was “Taking Risk on Purpose,” a subject upon which I have spoken several times across Canada and beyond. Based upon some painful lessons learned from risk taking in the investment business over many years, I make the case that taking risk is good provided one does so intelligently.

Of course, we all take myriad risks every day. I personally lived the topic on this trip by relying on airline schedules! This is proving a big risk these days though I experienced only a minor delay on this trip. Also I spent time with lots of people thereby exposing myself to increased risk of contracting COVID-19. 

Unhappily, the latter materialized. Over the weekend, I tested positive for the virus. Unfortunately, and despite efforts to mitigate the risk of transmission, I passed the virus along to my wife Mary. So we’re both in recovery mode and doing quite well. However, COVID has disrupted some short-term plans including scheduled cataract surgeries, which had to be postponed.

All of which brings me to my topic. Leading up to the time of writing, I have been extremely irritable about, seemingly, everything! Of all the times to get COVID! Why didn’t it happen when it would have fewer negative consequences? Why is my body not cooperating? Where did I put those keys? (Mary found them!) Most importantly, Mary has undeservedly borne the brunt of some of my irritability. Since the apostle Paul admonished husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, this behavior is clearly unacceptable!

It wasn’t as though COVID overrode my will and compelled me to express my irritation in a way that dishonors others, particularly the love of my life. 

While I was unhappy with myself, I tended to excuse my behavior as a natural, though unfortunate, outcome of the disease and its consequences. In effect, I was justifying my irritability. As I reflected more closely on what was happening, I realized the obvious! I am the one in complete control of my response to the situation. It wasn’t as though COVID overrode my will and compelled me to express my irritation in a way that dishonors others, particularly the love of my life. 

As I dug deeper, it seemed as though the root thought underlying the emotions was that my situation was somehow unfair. However, Jesus never promised a carefree or comfortable life. Indeed, he declared that in this world every one of us will have difficulties. However, he added that we’re to take heart since he has overcome the world. Moreover, he also promised that, as we put him and his agenda first, he will take care of the rest. Finally, while I don’t for a moment believe that God causes sicknesses to accomplish His purposes, I am settled in the promise that He will accomplish them through the new circumstances.

That introspection brought me a peace that, in turn, empowered me to control my emotions. Mary has noticed the difference!

Photo by Ryan Snaadt on Unsplash