Should I build some bridges?
“They do not love that do not show their love.”
—William Shakespeare
Last week, I addressed the question “Should I burn some bridges?” In the blog, I made a case for risking the consequences of being open about our faith in the marketplace. In summary, I asserted that we should refuse to conform to the secular perspective that matters of faith belong in the private, as opposed to the public, domain. Such refusal to toe the secular party line is analogous to burning our conformity bridge.
This week, I will address the need to build some constructive bridges in conjunction with the bridge burning exercise. By contrast to the conformity bridge, these bridges aren’t hedges against risk (aka adverse consequences). Rather, they are built upon the reality that everyone desires authentic relationships. When we enjoy such relationships with others, particularly those who don’t share our Christian worldview, speaking about our faith comes naturally and the risks of misunderstanding and other negative repercussions recede.
Building real relationships demands personal authenticity which can be a catalyst for others opening up about their own lives - their interests, families, hopes and dreams.
Authentic relationships demand that we focus on the needs of others rather than our own. From a Christian perspective, building relationships is one dimension of fulfilling the Great Commandment. In the context of business, it means taking a genuine interest in the other person beyond their commercial utility to us as our employees, customers, vendors or service providers. Building real relationships demands personal authenticity which can be a catalyst for others opening up about their own lives - their interests, families, hopes and dreams.
Here are a few ideas for building relational bridges, thereby putting in motion Shakespeare’s dictum to love by showing our love.
Be curious
Respect the privacy of others by asking permission to ask questions. Having received permission, be curious as you explore with them both their life and your own. Demonstrate interest in their lives by asking what, where, when, who, how and why questions. In my experience, one almost invariably unearths commonalities upon which relational bridges can be built. For example, if I detect an accent, I often say, “Do you mind my asking where you are originally from?” People always tell me and, as often as not, I have visited their home country or have friends who are also from there. In any event, this commonality facilitates openness in future conversations.
Listen carefully without interrupting
Before providing advice, allow others to say what they want to say. If necessary, ask questions to clarify your understanding of their thoughts. Such questions demonstrate we are listening while at the same time deepening our insight into their lives. Most importantly, don’t rehearse your own agenda while someone else is speaking! Doing so is self-centered rather than other-centered.
Be alert for prayer opportunities
As relational trust builds, people are increasingly likely to disclose life challenges they are confronting. Usually, I can tell them I relate to their situation either personally or indirectly through others I know who have confronted similar problems. Often I share that, as a follower of Jesus, I have seen many answers to prayer in these kinds of circumstances. Having asked their permission to pray, I do. My practice is generally to pray on the spot in their presence rather than leave them with the impression that I’ll pray for them later (which, of course, I often do)!
Are you a relational bridge builder?
Photo by Aleksandr Barsukov on Unsplash
